The wife and I were all set to go on a pre-screening movie date and see the new chick flick with Jennifer Garner today. We made it to the theatre, got parked and in line with about 7 minutes to spare. We signed the non-disclosure deal stating that I will not camera-phone the entire thing and put it on YouTube, when I realized that … uh oh. I quickly flagged down a Communications major in a suit jacket and jeans with a name tag. “Excuse me, Damien; can I bring my phone into the movie? Really?”

Piss. So I jog back to the car and… sabes que? Let’s cut this short. Despite rushing to the car to displace the contraband, our spots in line are lost and the movie is full when we get back. So we get free tickets to the movie of our choice; great, huh?

We were between Angels & Demons and Star Trek. The wife unwittingly made my subterfuge easier by saying, “Are we really in the mood to see priests get cut up and burned?”

The answer is no.

So, for the next two hours and 27 minutes, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I explained my limited Star Trek knowledge to Andrea before the movie began. Despite being an enormous Star Wars fan, most of the knowledge is non-transferrable. To aid in the differential, here’s a Venn Diagram:


Got it?

Now you have a snapshot of me and wifey in the theatre. I’m trying frantically to explain to her the workings of a  Black Hole while she asks where Chewbacca is.

So the film ends and I, the selfish movie-goer, and waiting to see if there’s some cool cameo of William Shatner at the end or something. To keep my self amused, I read the credits, which brings me to this post.

I have found the best job ever.

About 2/3 of the way down the list, I see in the credits the listing for Science Consultant.

There is no greater pinnacle of Nerd-dom than to explain to Gene Roddenberry’s son why a black-hole-causing goop must be dropped into the planet’s core to create an anomaly sufficient to destroy the planet itself. I’m sweating a bit just writing about it. Can you imagine? Picture for a second jumping up and down, whispering over the director’s chair, “Oo! Oo! If they fired photon torpedoes behind the ship and detonated them, the resulting sonic boom could be sufficient to break the Enterprise from the gravitational pull of the spatial anomaly, even though they are already in warp speed. Did you know that not even light can escape from a black hole? I’ve got the full specs here on my flash drive keychain.”

Cue the inhaler.

Granted, the Science Consultant couldn’t be an actual Trekkie, or he’d be spotting all sorts of possible plot holes and asking weird questions.

“Excuse me, but why do Spock and Uhura get together when we know she ends up with Kirk? Spock and Uhura can’t procreate… can they? What kind of procreative organs do Vulcans have? Does Spock’s penis come to a point like his ears do?”

“Shh… don’t speak. This is what shipmates do on my planet.”