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I’m usually pretty positive, and holding a positive attitude for a whole-day workshop is energizing for me, not draining. Nearly every day of my five years of meeting with teachers, someone would say, “Wow, you’ve got a lot of energy!” and it was almost always genuine and never exhausting.
I’m in a place now where I can describe how my recent job changes happened so quickly, and since this blog will stay up for a while, it’s important to me that I put the pen to paper.
March 2020
The school system imploded. The district opted for “positive credit only,” so students’ grades couldn’t drop between March and June. Many students realized this and did nothing. I was Dean of Students at a Middle School of about 1000 students, and my temporary contract was set to end in June. The principal was regularly absent for cancer treatment, and the other AP (with whom, I’m still friends) was distancing herself so I could be seen doing the job.
So, for better or worse, I was running the majority of operations for the school.
I want to be clear; the principal was doing his best, but his illness was limiting his capacity, and I don’t harbor any resentment. Cancer sucks.
Twice during that period, I sought AP jobs within the district, assured by the leadership that I was well-positioned for the AP slot at my current school. After being encouraged by HR that I “shouldn’t change a thing for the interview,” I was disappointed to be turned down. It felt like dating someone for a while, then getting dumped suddenly. It’s the second most painful thing to ever happen to me at work.
Of course, nobody deserves a job; my experience was slim and the DO wanted to change over the school leadership, which is their prerogative. Some colleagues confirmed that yes, the leadership is unlikely to update my reputation as “gregarious and silly instructional coach,” and wouldn’t promote me to leadership. It was time to go, but I had no emotional energy left in my disappointment tank.
August 2020
With my temp contract ended, I returned to the classroom. As one of the Math Intervention teachers, I split my time across two schools, serving eight 30-minute “Math Clubs” a day. My background using technology tools to lighten the workload made the job less painful than it was for many teachers, and teaching Elementary school students for the first time put some joy back into my days.
"Vaudrey, you rely on your personality a lot when teaching."
— Matt Vaudrey (@MrVaudrey) October 21, 2020
Yeah. And? pic.twitter.com/1pSYFD6hPk
It was just what I needed to heal after suspending my search for Admin jobs. My spouse heard me whine often about how, “I’m a straight, white man, so I’m unaccustomed to disappointment. Most of the time, job interviews and applications go well for me, and my getting-denied-muscle is very weak.” Conversations with trusted colleagues were encouraging, pointing out that everyone is ill-equipped for sad feelings right now and what I’m feeling is valid.
In November, I was browsing the job postings for Math Teachers. I needed a change, and was willing to take a lateral move. The district near my house flew a position for Math Coach, and I applied on a whim. For three months, I heard nothing, and I continued to do an above-average job teaching remotely.
January 2021
After an IEP one Friday afternoon, I got an email from Fontana Unified, apologizing for the long wait (they had to hire a Director, then shuffle other positions, and finally got around to Math Coach), and asking for an interview.
A week later, I had an offer. Two weeks after that, I was the newest Secondary Math Teacher-on-Assignment, where I wrote pacing guides, built assessments, and attended teacher meetings to support staff. Medium-intellectual demand and low-emotional demand was exactly what I needed at the time, and my boss’s boss scheduled meetings with each TOA individually to ask about our long-term goals and how FUSD can support us to reach them.
The clear intent to “promote from within” was publicly declared, and I nearly started crying at my desk. It’s pretty much the opposite situation from eight months prior, being encouraged toward promotion and denied. I’ve already been placed as Administrative Designee* at school sites to get experience and build relationships.
My spouse pointed out this week, “It’s good for you to have this job, because you need to get your confidence back. I’m already seeing it, and going on those gigs as keynote speaker is helping.”
Depression
In the midst of all that, there was a global pandemic, poorly managed by a President who gave little attention to people below his perceived station, and children were adversely affected. In April 2020, the entire country was tweeting about how teachers should make a million dollars a year because the job is so hard. The support did not turn into policy change or an increase in funding for teachers and staff, decrease class sizes, and provide advance mental health support that these developing minds will need very soon.
It hit me hard. As I mentioned at the opener, I default to smiling, and my well of positivity is deep.
About September 2020, I realized the well ain’t bottomless.
My district and healthcare provider both offered mental health supports, everything from self-care to meditation. Being acutely self-aware made it quick to isolate what could help me feel better.
Me: So,I should work out once a week and not drink on weekdays and sleep an adequate amount, and that will improve my headspace.
Therapist: Yeah, man. You already knew that, so do it.
And now I’m back in-person, tackling school-based challenges with other people, around kids, and doing all the above things. My job is great, and my team is great, and things are looking up.
~Matt “It’s been a long 500 days” Vaudrey
*It’s basically a sub for the Principal, charged with keeping the ship sailing.