Category: Smart-assery

  • How do you know all this stuff?

    That question was asked by the principal at one of my Elementary schools.
    Initially, he was hesitant to ask for my help. As the new EdTech Coach for the district (hired this year), he and IB were both unsure of my role at his school (or my role atB any of my 13 schools).

    In September, the discussion went like this:

    “How open is your staff to new ideas?” I asked cautiously, seated across from the principal of one of my 8 elementary schools. As a life-long avoider of trouble, my palms sweat a bit every time I enter the Principal’s office.

    “Oh, very,” declared McKee proudly. “I show them something, they’re using it in class the next day.”

    “Great! Would you say you’re the leader for those types of innovations on campus?” The keys on my iPad keyboard clack as I jot down digital notes.

    McKee smiles wryly, “Not exactly. We have several on campus who are trying new and interesting things, but I can relate to those who are hesitant. It’s scary to try something new. They’re scared, but open; does that make sense?”

    “Definitely,” I grin, pleased that he’s so honest about himself and his staff.

    Three months later, I’m back in his office as we attempt to design a Google Form where PTA volunteers can log volunteer hours (which are then counted in a pivot table). There are dozens of similar designs in my Google Drive, but I remind myself,B this is the first one that McKee has done. Be patient.

    He’s a fantastic student. Within 20 minutes, the form is done andB he’s changed the header to his school logo.

    “Sweet!” I exclaim. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

    McKee’s eyebrows raise and he smiles wide. “You meanB I taught something toB Matt Vaudrey?” He pumps both fists in the air.

    I laugh with him, gladB that he can see the value in enlightening a peer. Beneath the desk, my feet tighten in my shoes. That’s the third time this week somebody’s said that.B Should I be worried that I’m becoming a know-it-all?

    I file that thought away for later, andB McKee and IB press forward, building a master roster for lock-down drills.

    “Drag that gray line down toB freeze the top row. That way, you’ll still see the header when you scroll down.” I point to column 1 on his massive, principal-sized screen.

    McKeeB shakes his head, “How do youB know all this stuff?” He asks with a smile.

    McKee asked the question in the most respectful way I’ve heard.B Typically, the comments are more like,

    “I don’t know how you do all this stuff.”

    coffee disgust
    Well… um…

    “It must be nice to be so techy.”

    Uh... yeah... but...
    Uh… yeah… but…

    “OfB course it’s easy forB you. You’reB young.”

    Ohhhh!
    Ohhhh!

    I bite my tongue every time I hear that last one.

    Easy?

    Easy?

    EASY?
    EASY? Let me tell you about easy!

    It’s often the moreB veteran teachers who pull out that line. Unfortunately for them, I taught math before I was an EdTech Coach, so I’m well prepared for that “fixed mindset” garbage.

    It’s no secret that I have little tolerance for students content to be ignorant–whether a veteran teacher afraid of iPads or a 13-year-old at-risk student–but it’s tough to call out that attitude in an adultB without sounding… well…

    uppity.

    And no amount of cute smiling will solve the problem. Believe me.
    And no amount of cute smiling will help. Believe me.

    This week, as I was in the Apple Store repairing my mother-in-law’s iPad, I finally figured out my response when people express awe at my tech-muscles.

    “I just started learning it earlier than you did.”

    …(Also, I mooch like crazy, ask questions on Twitter, and work really hard at figuring out things that are confusing.)

    ~Matt “Huge iPad Muscles, Regular-Sized Actual Muscles” Vaudrey

  • Year-End Christmas Activities

    Younger Students

    For elementary teachers, students can email Santa and he’ll write back! (He might have a grumpy Elf or a silly Reindeer answer if he gets too busy).

    Visit bit.ly/emailtosanta and check it out.

    Older Students

    You know those moments when you’re excited for something, and you share that thing with somebody, and they look at you like you just suggested skinning a puppy to make a wallet?

    My director gave me that look when I showed her the below slideshow. It’s not going to my district staff, but it’s just too fun to keep to myself.

    For older students, this is a good way to pass the time on the last day before break:

    In case you can’t see the embedded slideshow, here’s a link to full-screen.

     

    ~Matt “If you don’t celebrate Christmas… I got nothing” Vaudrey

  • Common Core Will Not Eat Your Babies

    Let me tell you a story.

    I’ve taught next door, across the building, and across campus from some really bad teachers.

    unhelpful teacher

    I have sat in staff meeting at the same table asB teachers who give printed notes to students to copy down into their notebook,B and that is theirB sole class activity for the year.

    As a teacher, my profession is cheapened if badB teachers aren’t held accountable.B That’s why we have standards; so that there is a minimum expectation to guide teachers and students.

    I have a daughter (and a son on the way). In a few years when I send her to school, I expect the school to do a good job training her in skills she’ll need to be successful. Some things will come easily to her, some will be more difficult, and some will sit in darkness until a special teacher shines a light on them.

    When I send my child to school, I’m giving my acceptance that school will do a good job. If I don’t like it, I can pull her out and home-schoolB or private-school her.

    my-child-is-not-common-ap

    Of course, your child isn’t common. No child is.

    Schools do the best that weB can with the diverse, unique students that are sent through our doors every day.

    Therein lies my problem with the advocates against the Common Core;

    If you don’t like it, you can leave.

    Otherwise, you’re justB the kid who goes to a birthday party and complains about the flavor of cake.

    (Parents Against Chocolate Fudge)
    (Concerned Parents Against Chocolate Fudge)

    ~Matt “Not afraid of Common Core, but a little afraid of the trolls this post will attract” Vaudrey

  • Bad News: Santa is Dead

    Whoa, parents! I haven’t given awayB anything. I’m just the mathematical messenger.

    Santa is Dead

    (There should be a source citation for the physics here, but I’ve long since deleted it in favor of this colorful presentation with pictures.)

    Ho Ho Ho.

  • Proof My Class Culture is Working

    Kylia rings her bell during Review Jeopardy today. “Is this right?”

    “Show the class,” I say.

    “Yeah, but is it right?” Kylia still holds her whiteboard up to her shoulders, hiding it.

    “I don’t know,” I say. [But IB do know. I’mB lying to her. Teaching by deceit.]

    Next to her, Myles says, “Just show it. The class will tell you if it’s wrong.”

    “Yeah!” shouts Hillary, across the room. “Take a risk!”

    Yes!
    Yes!

    I teared up a little bit. I’ve worked very hard for years to create a place where incorrect answers are a welcome step in understanding.

    They’re not wrong answers, they’re just not correct yet.

    After hearing me say it dozens (maybe hundreds) of times, they are starting to parrot back what I taught them.

    … isn’t that what modern education is all about? Regurgitating at just the right time?

    Hopefully, they don’t forget about risk-taking after the state test is over.

  • Birthday b $ Thursday

    When I was six, I had a birthday party at Lincoln Heights Pizza Parlor. Four friends and I spent the afternoon whacking moles, earning tickets, spending tokens, eating pizza, and finding diapers in the ball pit.

    Documenting the day are several grainy, indoor photos characteristic of the late 80s. My friends and I are smiling and happy in every shot in our striped shirts and shaggy haircuts.

    “Michael’s cheating! Daaaaaad!”

    A few years later, I had a surprise 16th birthday, put on by my girlfriend in conjunction with my sisters and youth pastor. Every photo is happy (that is, nobody is crying), but some photos are without smiles as people chat or eat cake.

    Yesterday, we celebrated my birthday by carving pumpkins with a few friends. My wife and baby and I hung out with our guests on the couch and we spent a long time discussing the Pacific Northwest. We printed out stencils for our pumpkins and put on some relaxing autumn music and had a great afternoon.

    Yes, that is Boba Fett and a high-speed drill.

    This leads me to my thesis, ready?

    If you’re reading this, your best birthdays are behind you.

    As you can see, the fun increases as a child, then is inconsistent during teenage years (as is everything) before a brief spike at 21 and a rapid decline until death. Some people get a small jump in fun at 50, unless you have heart problems, in which case it’s about the same.

    My birthday was yesterday, and today I had to leave work early because I had a back spasm.

    I got a back spasm for my birthday.

    Mother Nature gave me the gift of awareness; my vitality is weakening every year, and I’m one year closer to the grave.

    Dear Matt, you become a worse athlete every year. Love, Gaia

    Without revealing too much, my birthday ranked less than 30 on the scale above, which is a great score for my age bracket. I had a great day with friends, carved pumpkins, spent time outside, had great food, and then went on a date with my wife. Despite all that, a birthday (for people my age) is just another Sunday between Labor Day and Thanksgiving.

    Here’s the difference, though. As an adult, every other day is way more fun.

    Students in middle school absolutely hate Mondays. But Saturdays? Oh, man! Saturdays are like a mini-Christmas 36 times a school year.

    As an adult, I’m not a huge fan of Mondays, but they’re qualitatively no worse than Thursdays; I still have to go to work. Friday is marginally better, and the weekend is great.

    Note that the beginning and end of the weekends are common for both data sets.

    So, kids: you can have your birthdays. We adults quite enjoy our lives for the other 364 days of the year quite a bit as well.

    Even though child birthdays clearly are way more fun than adult ones, but adult Mondays are much more fun than child ones.

    … actually … hearing it like that …

    It’s probably better to be a kid.

    ~Mr. V

  • A Come to Jesus Meeting

    It’s a phrase that my mom used when I was young. “We’re gonna have a Come to Jesus meeting when you get home about your grades in English.”

    A balding preacher springs to my mindbwhite knuckles gripping the podiumbleaning toward the congregation and flecking the front row with frothy vengeance, screaming, bTurn from thy wicked ways!b

    Thatbs certainly how I felt on Thursday with my iPad class.

    On Wednesday, I got an email from one of the P.E. teachers describing her discontent with my students using their iPads to take pictures, play games, and dick around during P.E. class.

    She probably didnbt say bdick aroundb. Thatbs an embellishment.

    This emailbcopied to my administrators, of coursebgave voice to a sentiment that other teachers were probably feeling; I donbt know what to do with these things. Can I confiscate them? Can I discipline the students for taking them out?

    I sent an email apologizing for the students and assuring that I would deal with it. I sent an email with the iPad policies to the whole staff, then cracked my knuckles and waited for the iPad class to stumble unwittingly into 3rd period.

    As they entered, I shook everyonebs hand (as I do every day) and said, bGood morning! Please put your iPad in the cart and have a seat.b

    Then I came to my podium.

    bTeachers have been complaining about this class. [dramatic pause] They say that you are taking your iPads out in other classes, taking pictures, playing games, and letting other students use them. [dramatic eye contact with the offenders] You all know what the expectations are; you signed a contract and so did your parents. You know what to do, and youbre making me look bad. So today, webre going to practice how to have a class without the iPad, so you know how your other classes should look. Clearly, you need some practice.b

    Then I put on a smile and we went through the period. I thought they got the point.

    The next day, I caught two different students playing games in my class. I directed them to put their iPads in the cart, and their responses were:

    bWhat? Ibm done already.b
    and bWhy?b

    To the second student, I fixed him with my best teacher stare and asked in a low tone, bIs that a serious question?b

    He wisely didnbt respond.

    I quite enjoy Halloween. I love to put on a costume and be somebody different for a short while. Itbs not because I donbt like my usual self, but itbs just so fun to be somebody new for a little bit.

    Thatbs why Ibm comfortable being a hardass in short installments. I like when everyone in my class is happy, but teachers will tell you that a teacher who is only happy will result in a class that is only unruly.

    For those two students, I began taking deep breaths about 10 minutes before the period ended, preparing myself to instill the fear of the Lord in them.

    When the class ended, I motioned for those two to wait, and the RSP teacher to also stick around. I brought them over to my desk and showed them a copy of the student/parent contract.

    bThis is the contract that you and your parent signed. This bullet point says I will use the iPad for academic purposes during school hours in accordance with the rules set forth by MVUSD. You both were well aware of the rulesbespecially after our conversation yesterdayb but you chose to break them anyway. In this contract, the penalty is removal from this program and this class. We will have a meeting this weekend to see if you should be removed. Ibll let you know what we decide on Tuesday. Youbre dismissed.b

    Two wide-eyed and trembling teens trudged out the door. Once it closed, I turned to the RSP teacher and asked, bToo much?b

    Her eyes were also wide. bNo! That was awesome!b

    Then I called their parents and gave them the same discussion. I predict two very remorseful students in my 3rd period on Tuesday.

    “This is worse than when Nemo died and I had to flush him.”

    Furthermoreband this is the part that my wife doesnbt getbIbm buying myself an easier year by sacrificing these two little lambs on the altar. Because middle-school students gossip like two old church ladies at bridge club.

    You can guarantee that every other student in the class will be terrified to use a game in class, which is exactly what I wanted. Thatbs why I was comfortable wearing the Red-Faced Preacher mask for a few minutes.

    So that I can be Happy Math Teacher for the rest of the year.

    UPDATE 2013 January 31st:
    One of the aforementioned little lambs didn’t come to Jesus, and was removed from the course after his next offense a month later.

    He probably hates Temple Run now.

  • My 10,000 Days Old Party

    You know what’s a goofy number? 365.
    It’s not even an accurate way to measure the movement of the Earth.

    Birthdays happen ALL the time. If you’re in a room right now with more than 23 people in it, chances are better than 50% that two people have the same birthday.

    If you have 40 people, the chances are 90%.

    It’s not special anymore. Readers whose ages are a non-important number know this to be true. I turn 28 this year. Who cares?

    10,000 however, now that’s an important number. One worth celebrating.

    Thursday, March 8th, 2012 was my 10,000th day on the planet, so my wife and I had a party about it.

    Also, my students had a test to take on Friday, which left me with three 90-minute periods to make posters for the party.

    I’m not gonna lie, it was a lot of fun to make these.

    The party was well-attended, with everyone making their own day-tags. Even the dog got a tag (207) and our pregnant friend (-113).

     

    Credit where credit is due, it was Andy that first got me thinking about this a few years ago.

    …and my family supplied the soundtrack.

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-HLxpWGCzc]

    Also, to calculate how many days old you are, click here.

    …and I better see your number in the comment section.


  • The Failure of the California Public School on February 25th

    First the good news.

    Today, I taught the Quadratic Formalab& thatbs not the good news. I taught it by humming bPop Goes the Weaselb all period. Then I put a slide on the wall with the quadratic formula.

    Intimidating, right? Then I sang the Quadratic Formula song, which sounds like this:

    Two out of my three classes burst into applause. Ibm feeling pretty good.

    Now the bad news: our kids are dumb.

    The future leaders of the world arebright nowbnot too bright.

    Someday, they will be presidents and doctors and professors, but now they areB about as sharp as … a bowling pin.

    "I am SO gonna tweet about this later!"
    “I am SO gonna tweet about this later!”

    If youbre a parentb& well, Ibd say that Ibm sorry. But odds are that you already know; you can’t leave them alone with a sharp object.

    In my class, we do a Jeopardy-question-of-the-day, using my Jeopardy day-calendar. Herebs todaybs question:

    This countrybs largest lake shares the name with the country; the second-largest lake shares the name with the capital city.

    In my class, I expect chaos for a couple minutes as kids yell stuff. I make a point to only call on students with hands raised and give props to only those students if they guess correctly.

    Inevitably, however, students spew stupidity anyway.

    Alex: Mississippi!
    Mr. Vaudrey: Thatbs not a country.
    Ryan: Missouri?
    Mr. Vaudrey: Guys. That is also not a country.
    Zach: Oh, Lake Perris!
    Mr. Vaudrey: Guys! United States is a country, California is a state, Los Angeles is a county, Moreno Valley is a city.
    Antonio: Wait, I thought Los Angeles was a city?
    Susana: Webre in Riverside County, right?
    TJ: No! Riverside is a city.
    Mr. Vaudrey:B Yes, and itbs also a county. Riverside is a city and a county. [Deep breath] Okay, think of it this way: B Mexico is a country, Michoacan is a state.
    Alejandra: Donbt you mean Michigan?
    Mr. Vaudrey: No! I meant Michoacan! I wouldbve said Michigan if I meant Michigan!
    Alejandra: Well, you pronounce words funny.
    Alex: Oh! Is it Kentucky?
    Mr. Vaudrey [grabs two fistfuls of hair, through gritted teeth] Nope. Also a state.
    Daria: Europe!
    Zach: Thatbs a continent!
    Daria: b&waitb& thenb& the country that contains Europe.
    Ryan: Oh, that’s Africa!

    Thatbs right. Webll be retiring in a world that our students will be governing.

    I sure hope they can use the big-boy scissors by then.

    “Dad says I gotta wear this when I brush my teeth.”

    And for the record. It’s Nicaragua.

    ~V

  • The New Regular Day

    My wife asks every day how my day was, and a common response is “regular”. It’s not a dynamic way to start my response, but I’m quite thankful for my new job, and “regular” doesn’t mean what it used to. My wife probably got tired of hearing “stressful, exhausting, frustrating, and I wanna quit” when asking about my day.

    Also, I love that a “regular” day still involves me laughing during every class. How many of us have jobs where you get a good laugh every couple hours?

    Here are a couple all-stars from today:

    Carl: I’m a vegan now.
    Trey: You hate meat!
    Linda: Why do you hate meat?
    Julia: I thought vegans were hippies.
    Mr. Vaudrey: Okay, everyone stop. Carl, explain what a vegan is.
    Carl: Well, I can’t eat things with dairy in them, like bread, like pizza, like chocolate…
    Ladariana: …like La-Dairy-ana.

    Nathan: Aw! You gave me dumb crayons! I want the blue one, not the black one.
    Jay (in his best tough-guy voice): Was’ wrong wit’ black?!

    (It should be noted that Jay is about 70 pounds, has braces, glasses, a super smile, brags about his mom’s cooking, and takes Gifted classes. He’s not quite a thug.)

    Sam: Mr. Vaudrey, I’m out of bathroom passes, so can I, like, stay a minute after class or something? I really gotta go.

    See? Even a “regular” day is delightful.

    Also, it took me about 21 seconds to submit my grades. No printing, no signing, no amendments or second-guessing. I love my new job.

    In closing, here’s a photo of some actual work I did today.