Mrvaudrey

Tag: students

  • The Failure of the California Public School on February 25th

    First the good news.

    Today, I taught the Quadratic Formalab& thatbs not the good news. I taught it by humming bPop Goes the Weaselb all period. Then I put a slide on the wall with the quadratic formula.

    Intimidating, right? Then I sang the Quadratic Formula song, which sounds like this:

    Two out of my three classes burst into applause. Ibm feeling pretty good.

    Now the bad news: our kids are dumb.

    The future leaders of the world arebright nowbnot too bright.

    Someday, they will be presidents and doctors and professors, but now they areB about as sharp as … a bowling pin.

    "I am SO gonna tweet about this later!"
    “I am SO gonna tweet about this later!”

    If youbre a parentb& well, Ibd say that Ibm sorry. But odds are that you already know; you can’t leave them alone with a sharp object.

    In my class, we do a Jeopardy-question-of-the-day, using my Jeopardy day-calendar. Herebs todaybs question:

    This countrybs largest lake shares the name with the country; the second-largest lake shares the name with the capital city.

    In my class, I expect chaos for a couple minutes as kids yell stuff. I make a point to only call on students with hands raised and give props to only those students if they guess correctly.

    Inevitably, however, students spew stupidity anyway.

    Alex: Mississippi!
    Mr. Vaudrey: Thatbs not a country.
    Ryan: Missouri?
    Mr. Vaudrey: Guys. That is also not a country.
    Zach: Oh, Lake Perris!
    Mr. Vaudrey: Guys! United States is a country, California is a state, Los Angeles is a county, Moreno Valley is a city.
    Antonio: Wait, I thought Los Angeles was a city?
    Susana: Webre in Riverside County, right?
    TJ: No! Riverside is a city.
    Mr. Vaudrey:B Yes, and itbs also a county. Riverside is a city and a county. [Deep breath] Okay, think of it this way: B Mexico is a country, Michoacan is a state.
    Alejandra: Donbt you mean Michigan?
    Mr. Vaudrey: No! I meant Michoacan! I wouldbve said Michigan if I meant Michigan!
    Alejandra: Well, you pronounce words funny.
    Alex: Oh! Is it Kentucky?
    Mr. Vaudrey [grabs two fistfuls of hair, through gritted teeth] Nope. Also a state.
    Daria: Europe!
    Zach: Thatbs a continent!
    Daria: b&waitb& thenb& the country that contains Europe.
    Ryan: Oh, that’s Africa!

    Thatbs right. Webll be retiring in a world that our students will be governing.

    I sure hope they can use the big-boy scissors by then.

    “Dad says I gotta wear this when I brush my teeth.”

    And for the record. It’s Nicaragua.

    ~V

  • Nancy’s Christmas Gift

    (Names and details have been changed for confidentiality.)

    bb&and was recently examined for ADHD.b

    I lean back at my desk withB relief and close the e-mail. I wonder if she got prescribed anything. Maybe that will calm her down.

    Thatbs the problem with students like Nancybthey really challenge your teaching philosophy.

    On the one side, I want all of my students to succeed and learn Algebra in my class. On the other hand, I would secretly love for a test to render Nancy a bSpecial-Edb label, so she could have an aide to supervise her, or (even easier) get her out of my class. About 92% of me wants her to succeed in my class with no help.

    But that 8% of meb& oh, I hope for a release from her yelling, leaving her desk, poking other students, standing next to me during a lesson with her hand up, and other impulsive middle-schooler behaviors. But that 8% is present in every one of my sighs, every exasperated response, and every time I rub my temples as she asks, bMr. Vaudrey, am I annoying?b

    Yes, Nancy. Yes.

    You annoy me and every other student in the class when you call out to them across the room during a test, when you ask questions to people who arenbt even looking at you, and especially when you monitor whobs next for the bathroom pass. Youbre annoying when you proclaim that youbll buy students expensive birthday gifts, but never follow through.

    Itbs annoying, even though Ibm pretty sure your mom is unemployed, and your promise to buy Brandon an iPad is all pomp to mask the shame.

    Nancybs mom is baffled at how to control her. There are rumors that she has Nancy stand in the corner for hours at a time just so she can have some peace. The staff at school isnbt sure where Dad is, but we know that the family doesnbt have much money. Nancy waited weeks to get glasses and didnbt bring any of the four items she promised for the class party.

    So itbs Thursday before Winter Break. Nancy comes to my class before school starts.

    bGood morning, Nancy. Youbre about 5 hours early to class.b

    She smiles, shuffles her feet and avoids eye contact. bUmb& Mr. Vaudrey? Likeb& my mom works at Nordstrombs andb& umb& I didnbt know what to get youb& sob& umb& like, web& uh. We got you this.b She holds out a small, unassuming gift bag with a bent tag and a card. To: Mr. Vaudrey. From: Nancy.

    bThank you, Nancy! This is the first gift Ibve gotten this year. Thank you very much.b I shake her hand and hold the gift still, hoping to signal to her that itbs polite to leave after you give a gift. She gets the hint and clumps off to first period in her too-big shoes.

    Back behind my desk, I open the card first, like the good boy my mother raised. The card, written in Nancybs pointed scrawl says, bMr. Vaudrey thank you very much for help me in my work and helping me be a good person inclass.b

    I peel back the tissue paper. Inside the bag are cologne samples from Nordstrombs.

    From a low-income family who wanted to give a gift to their daughterbs teacher.

  • Jeopardy

    There are a few things that I do pretty well in class. One of them is getting quickly and easily thrown off-track when students make me laugh. The other is review games.

    Earlier this week, a teammate sent me a Jeopardy game for Equations.

    So we played Jeopardy.

    Students volunteered to be Alex Trebek and select the category on the projector. “Combining Like Terms for 200: Three ex plus… uh… you can just read it.”

    The students caught on to Jeopardy very quickly.

    Vaudrey: b&and in Final Jeopardy, each player wagers part of their score on the right answer.
    Student: Oh, man! I donbt know anything! Can I wager negative?
    Vaudrey: Then you would lose points if you got it right.
    Student: But Ibd gain points when I get it wrong.

    Clearly, Randy understands the unit on negative numbers from last week.

    I want the whole class to get a shot, so I had to rotate them out every three questions or so.

    Vaudrey: James, make room for the newcomers.
    Stef: Ibm a newcomer.
    Daniel: Ibm a cucumber.

    After Jeopardy, we played a game I made up called Drag Race. Using this projection on the wall.

    Each team decides on their icon and the icon advances as their team advances.

    White Students: We’ll be Team Cracker!
    Vaudrey: That’s an Apple Pie.
    White Students: Oh… well, that’s cool, too.

    And after a few minutes of play:

    Daniel: Justin Bieber is beating Mexico! Aw, hell, no!