Dear Claire,
Late last week, I tweeted this:
Today’s teaching revelation:
The gap between theory and practice is at least three times as wide as I thought that it was.
b Matt Vaudrey (@MrVaudrey) September 22, 2016
The tweet itself got a couple thousand views and led to some good conversations last week and thatB weekend.
Which is kinda what I’m talking about. I think…
I think I’m a better coach than a teacher.
That’s a weird thing to be sheepishB about.
ThatB Sunday, I went to the EdTech Team’s High Desert GAFE Summit to present on stuff. It went great. People commented about how helpfulB it was, how great that I’m back in the classroom since I’m so energetic and engaging, and I even sold a fewB books while I was there.
Then today, I dragged two periods of freshmen through Graphing Stories and just… didn’t feel like a great teacher. Jack forgot his glasses, but insisted he got contacts this weekend. Katherine’s new seat in the middle of the room was a bad idea, since she can now distractB everybody in the back half of class, andB all of 6th periodb despite being lovely as individualsb struggle to get through anything as a group.
In the gap since I was last a teacher, I’ve had my head in theB theory of teaching, waxing rhetorically about the death of homework or reading books about theB inclusion of students of color in meaningful waysB or sharing ways to increase student voice and agency in the classroom (including this on Wednesday).
What a blessing to be an instructional coach and have the lowered stress level so I canB dream about education outside of the four walls of aB classroom, without worrying about the new seating chart that I promised them forB Monday and didn’t even start yet and lunch ends in 12 minutes and dammit I still have to make copies and I haven’t even erased the board from Friday yet.
It’s easy to dream about big ideas, but some of the dailyB stuff is kicking my ass.
And worse than that; I’m feeling like the stuffed-shirt, overpaid, abstracted Educator that presents at conferences about ideas s/he hasn’t tried.
I’ve satB in those sessions and rolled my eyes and murmured to my teammate, “Aw, he’s aB consultant.”
What can s/he possibly know aboutB real teaching?
“Babe,” says my wife. “You’re your own worst critic. Your class is probably a funner place to learn than other places on campus. Many of those kids probably just sit silently the rest of the day, but they get a voice in your room.”
While she may be right, I’m not convincedB yet that I’m doing anB excellent job.B Every day is a risk (which doesn’t scare me) and I’m worried that I’m not as good a teacher now as I was when I left (which scares the hell out of me).
I’m curious to see what Wednesday’s Teacher Report Card results look like. Of course, I’ll post them here.
~Matt “No disrespect for subs. Your job is really hard.” Vaudrey
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